No words describe the sacred occasion when a new father holds a baby daughter in his arms for the first time. This year three of our sons have become new fathers of baby girls. As I watched our rugged, strong, rugby-playing son, Jon, hold his first baby daughter in his arms, he looked at her with a reverent tenderness, and then he looked at me with an expression that seemed to say, “How do I raise a girl?”
This morning I would like to speak to our sons and to all fathers. How can a father raise a happy, well-adjusted daughter in today’s increasingly toxic world? The answer has been taught by the Lord’s prophets. It is a simple answer, and it is true—“The most important thing a father can do for his [daughter] is to love [her] mother.”
1 By the way you love her mother, you will teach your daughter about tenderness, loyalty, respect, compassion, and devotion. She will learn from your example what to expect from young men and what qualities to seek in a future spouse. You can show your daughter by the way you love and honor your wife that she should never settle for less. Your example will teach your daughter to value womanhood. You are showing her that she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father, who loves her.
Love her mother so much that your marriage is celestial. A temple marriage for time and all eternity is worthy of your greatest efforts and highest priority. It was only after Nephi had completed the temple in the wilderness that he stated, “And … we lived after the manner of happiness.”
2 The “manner of happiness” is found in the temple. It is covenant keeping. Don’t let any influence come into your life or your home that would cause you to compromise your covenants or your commitment to your wife and family.
In Young Women we are helping your daughter understand her identity as a daughter of God and the importance of remaining virtuous and worthy to receive the blessings of the temple and of a temple marriage. We are teaching your daughter the importance of making and keeping sacred covenants. We are teaching her to commit now to live so that she can always be worthy to enter the temple and not to allow anything to delay, distract, or disqualify her from that goal. Your example, as her father, speaks louder than our important words. Young women worry about their fathers. Many express that their greatest desire is to be united eternally as a family. They want you to be there when they go to the temple or get married in the temple. Stay close to your daughter and help her prepare and remain worthy for the temple. When she turns 12, take her with you to the temple often to perform baptisms for your ancestors and others. She will cherish these memories forever.
Today’s popular culture tries to erode and demean your eternal role as a patriarch and father and minimize your most important responsibilities. These have been given to you “by divine design,” and as fathers you “are to preside over [your] families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for [your] families.”
3Fathers, you are the guardians of your homes, your wives, and your children. Today “it is not an easy thing to protect one’s family against intrusions of evil into [their] minds and spirits. … These influences can and do flow freely into the home. Satan [is very clever]. He need not break down the door.”
4You must be the guardians of virtue. “A priesthood holder is
virtuous. Virtuous behavior implies that [you have] pure thoughts and clean actions. … Virtue is … an attribute of godliness.” It “is akin to holiness.”
5 The Young Women values are Christlike attributes which include the value of virtue. We now call upon you to join with us in leading the world in a return to virtue. In order to do so, you “must practise virtue and holiness”
6 by eliminating from your life anything that is evil and inconsistent with one who holds the holy priesthood of God. “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and … the Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion.”
7 So be cautious about what you view in entertainment media or print. Your personal virtue will model for your daughters, and also your sons, what true strength and moral courage are. By being a guardian of virtue in your own life, in your home, and in the lives of your children, you are showing your wife and daughters what true love really is. Your personal purity will give you power.
You are your daughter’s guardian in more than the legal sense. Be present in your daughter’s life. Let her know your standards, your expectations, your hopes and dreams for her success and happiness. Interview her, get to know her friends and, when the time comes, her boyfriends. Help her understand the importance of education. Help her understand that the principle of modesty is a protection. Help her choose music and media that invite the Spirit and are consistent with her divine identity. Be an active part of her life. And if in her teenage years she should not come home from a date on time, go get her. She will resist and tell you that you have ruined her social life, but she will inwardly know that you love her and that you care enough to be her guardian.
You are not ordinary men. Because of your valiance in the premortal realms, you qualified to be leaders and to possess priesthood power. There you exhibited “exceeding faith and good works,” and you are here now to do the same.
8 Your priesthood sets you apart.
Within a few weeks our three sons will have given their baby daughters a name and a blessing. I hope this will be the first of many priesthood blessings they receive from their fathers, because in the world in which they will grow up, they will need those blessings. Your daughter will cherish the priesthood and determine in her heart that this is what she wants in her future home and family. Always remember “that the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven” and can “be controlled … only upon the principles of righteousness.”
9Fathers, you are your daughter’s hero. My father was my hero. I used to wait on the steps of our home for him to arrive each night. He would pick me up and twirl me around and let me put my feet on top of his big shoes, and then he would dance me into the house. I loved the challenge of trying to follow his every footstep. I still do.
Did you know that your testimony has a powerful influence on your daughters? I knew my father had a testimony. I knew he loved the Lord. And because my father loved the Lord, I did too. I knew he cared about the widows because he took his vacation to paint the home of the widow who lived next door. I thought that was the greatest vacation our family ever had because he taught me how to paint! You will bless the life of your daughter for years to come if you will look for ways to spend time with her and to share your testimony with her.
In the Book of Mormon, Abish was converted by her father’s sharing with her his remarkable vision. For many years thereafter, she kept her testimony in her heart and lived righteously in a very wicked society. Then the time came when she could no longer be still, and she ran from house to house to share her testimony and the miracles she had witnessed in the king’s court. The power of Abish’s conversion and testimony was instrumental in changing an entire society. The people who heard her testify became a people who “were converted unto the Lord, [and] never did fall away,” and their sons became the stripling warriors!
10As the hymn says, “Rise up, O men of God!”
11 This is a call to you, the men who bear the holy priesthood of God. May it be said of you as was said of Captain Moroni:
“[He] was a strong and a mighty man; … a man of a perfect understanding; … a man who was firm in the faith of Christ. …
“… If all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; … the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.”
12Brethren, fathers, young men, “Be loyal to the royal within you.”
13So how do you raise a girl? Love her mother. Lead your family to the temple, be guardians of virtue, and magnify your priesthood. Fathers, you have been entrusted with our Heavenly Father’s royal daughters. They are virtuous and elect. It is my prayer that you will watch over them, strengthen them, model virtuous behavior, and teach them to follow in the Savior’s every footstep—for He lives! In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
NOTES:
Last October 9, 2011 I attended the general conference broadcast at Ormoc City Stake Center. I have the means to watch the general conference online but I preferred to travel at least 2hrs via bus to Ormoc City (from Isabel) and watch the prophets, apostles and servants of the Lord give their inspired messages to the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints all over the world.
We were a bit late, around 5mins, so we were not able to watch the prelude music of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Despite being late, we were still able to find a nice spot to sit; and the Spirit immediately enveloped me as I listen to Pres. Ucthdorf as he conducted the conference.
I was taking notes while listening to the first speakers for me to remember the wonderful points they've stressed. And then Sis Elaine Dalton was called to the pulpit. As she narrate her message, a strong feeling grew within me and soon I felt tears flowing down from my eyes. I can't help it, the impact was so deep that it directed straightly through my heart as I remembered my family especially my parents who are in Manila.
I grew up not so close to my father since we was a military man, always assigned to various place here in the Philippines. During my grade school and high school days, he was just at home for like a month or two a year, not sure. The things that I remember while he was at home were:
- the "PISO per TAGALOG word" fine which made us struggle to speak in English at home
- his lullaby/ies to Diego "Ti ayat, ti maysa nga ubing..." (I forgot the lines but the song goes like that)
- his show-off saying that artistas are just white (fair skin) because they iron (plantsa) their faces. And he did it (put a hanky on his face and the hot iron on his face) which resulted to a white circle on his face (burnt skin).haha
Those are just some. It might take me a lot of time remember the others.
I am closer to Moms than Pops since she was always at home since I was born, but she never became my close friend. I seldom share with her what's happening to me, just my accomplishments in school and failures too. Secrets, noo.. My journals are my best friends. They know most of my activities, but still not all.
I remember some of the sweet and caring instances my Mom showed me:
- 3rd year high school, I had some unknown allergy which produced large bumpy red marks on my legs and arms. Moms accompanied to a hospital near my school, the doctor gave me an anti-allergy shot just to relieve me from the itchy-ness since the cause of the allergy is not yet known. On the way home, the jeepney terminal was so far from the hospital so we have to walk a long distance, but then there was no jeepney in the terminal due to heavy traffic. So we rode a cab to my boarding house. The "bad" taxi driver dropped us on the gate only of the village since the road going to my boarding house is so narrow. So we walked again with my eyes fully closed, the effect of the anti-allergy shot, and my consciousness slowly leaving me. It was almost past 11pm. I told Moms that she can stay and sleep in my boarding house na lang since it's already late at night, but she preferred to travel back home (more than an hour and a half) since she have to attend to the needs of my younger brothers the next morning pa. Eventhough half conscious, I really felt the love of my mother at that time. I love you Moms.
- Board Exam days. She went to where we were staying for the board exam and brought me a lot of food and vitamins. I was mad at first coz she bought a A LOT of food and other "unnecessary" stuff but when my classmates told me, "and sweet naman ng Mama mo", I felt guilty. Sorry Moms. I Love you.
- My roommates at my dormitory also told me that they were envious about my Moms coz she often visited me and brought me foods and other stuff, eventhough I have small bros at home. One of them told me, "Limang taon na ako dito sa UP, pero never pa akong nabisita ng Mama ko.." I felt sorry for her, and myself too coz I did not see it that way. I was always busy at school and just took for granted my Moms commuting a long distance just to visit me at school. I am very blessed with you, Moms.
Those are just some of the soo many TLC acts of my Mom. As I was realizing these stuff, I really need to change myself, that I should be grateful with the things and people that I have. I am so much blessed with a wonderful family despite the so many trials. As Ate Mi told one of our Young Women, "The Lord put you in that family coz He knows that in that family, you will grow" Those are the words that I just keep on remembering for me to stay strong despite all odds.
